The Lost Valentine
by whatevergirl
Summary: A good life can take a life time to reach, many settle for unfulfilled lives. It is a struggle, but one young man has made up his mind.. sort of.. Grimoire Valentine has just finished school, with an invitation to reseach for Shin-Ra, he starts his life.
1. Chapter 1

**The Lost Valentine.**

Chapter 1.

I have often wondered what direction my life would take. It was a source of concern for my mother. For my older brother, it wasn't anything of interest. He went off to join the army, but in the end he wrote articles about different places he'd visited. As far as I can tell, it really amused him. He liked to play with words, make people think. That really used to make me laugh, because he often got things wrong. Use the wrong phrase, or use the wrong words to say what he wanted.

He was never worried about it though, unlike me. I wanted to be in the army, once. However, that didn't last long. I remember totally changing my mind because of a dog. It's strange really; I'm usually fine with the smell of blood. In science class, in school, I was the only one who would lean right over frog heart, or bandersnatch liver, or whatever else we were studying. But this happened when I was 17. I was leaving school early, for a doctor's appointment. I got really bad nosebleeds in those days, so my mother had made an appointment for me. I was half way there, just crossing a road when I heard the tires screech – not a nice sound to start with, it makes my heart jump. But, then I heard a yelp. I can remember seeing this poor creature, limping away to side grass by the side of the road, one leg hanging on by a thread. I couldn't see in the windows of the car, but whoever it was just left. They didn't get out, or even look back. Just drove off.

It had upset me, to see something alive in such pain, to hear its pain as I ran to the nearest house and banged loudly on the door. The woman there had allowed me to ring a vet, though she clearly wasn't too impressed. I had gone home that night, thinking of the poor dog and the cold-heartedness of those involved. When I got home, my father had questioned where I'd been, and why I was covered in blood. _That_ had been embarrassing! I'd ended up in tears. It wouldn't have been so bad if it was my mother I was talking to, but my father was distinctly unimpressed. He had looked at me with mild disgust and made a comment – I can't remember the exact words – about how I'd never follow my older brother, Laguna, into the army if I acted like a little girl over an animal.

In my bed later on, I came to a decision; I should study to be a vet. I got top marks consistently in the sciences, and even though I had a large interest in world religions, I knew that a job where I could help others, not destroy them, was where I should be.

I fell asleep with a feeling of contentment that night.

* * *

I often wonder if anyone knows where they will truly be in a year's time. I know I didn't. However, 3 months after I finished school, top marks in most my subjects (I'll never get far with art or music) I received an offer from Shin-Ra, to join a research visit to Macalania, the capital of Northern Continent. It was an old city; the population equalled that of Midgar's sectors 4 and 5. This was probably due to the frozen wastelands surrounding it. The city itself was beautiful to behold – its architecture was filled with arches; its buildings flowed, curving in an almost organic manner inside the city walls. In the centre of the city was a fairly large building, it was surrounded by statues of scholars, authors and philosophers. I was pretty much in heaven – the books were old, some clearly older than the building.

As I explored, I found some old storage areas. It was very strange, the complete opposite of Midgar, where there were locks on everything, and security guards to check the locks, and push off suspicious characters. Here, the passages were silent. No one was around, and none of the doors were shut properly – some areas didn't even have doors.

I came across some old texts; the pictures on them were amazing. I sat for a long time just staring, the leather bound book heavy in my hands. I didn't understand the language, but hoped that maybe I could find a librarian who did.

In the back of my mind, though, I was panicking. At home, I'd never be able to just wander into a room with no one looking at take a book. I was waiting for someone to shout my name, "_Grimoire! Put that back at once! You shouldn't touch what doesn't belong to you!_" – Or something along those lines.

I was just standing up, preparing to leave when I saw some loose sheets of paper. It wasn't that they were lying there that caught my attention, there were piles of loose sheets all around; It was that these had in the bottom left corner something that resembled Shin-Ra's logo, minus the red background. I picked these up, and stuffed them into my satchel. Surely no one would miss a few sheets of paper in a language not commonly spoken. (I spoke, and could read and write, several main languages, including Wutanese and some Macalanian, and I knew this didn't match any of them.)

It was time to find out what language this was in, so that I could discover exactly what this book was about. I was fairly certain the summon gods had something to do with it, as one section appeared to have depictions of Ifrit, in various forms.

* * *

_There, not overly amazing... But regardless, I tried. I'm sorry for any mistakes, I did make serious attempts to correct anything, but ms word was being my beta so... yeah..._

_Anyway, I've finally started my story on Grimoire Valentine. Vincent will be in it, but not for a while. _

_Please review and let me know what you think. Reviews speed me up greatly, and boost confidence (Unless they are flames XP)_


	2. Chapter 2

_Wow... it's a long time since I've done anything with this one. However, I have found my notebook with my chapter summaries for this now, so I'll update._

* * *

Chapter 2

I was quick to return to that particular section, with hopes that I could find more information on summon beasts. It was the reason I was there. The whole trip was labelled under general research, but I knew what I was really meant to be looking for. Luckily, it was what held a strong interest for me.

I found an old tome filled with diagrams and texts, with extra notes scribbled along the sides in a language I didn't read. Determined not to let this stop me, I gathered the material that looked the most interesting and went off to another more recent part of the library; the language section. The way I figure it, if the library is so old, they should have books gathered from years and years of language. If I studied the variations, I should be able to back track enough to understand the texts I gathered. At least, that was my theory. I didn't realise how truly massive the language section was. Typical.

Regardless, I ploughed on. Thankfully, I already speak (And read/write) Macalanian. Well, I speak the official version. I have problems understanding the different dialects which exist in certain tribes. I'm getting better though.

I did eventually give in and ask for some help. Caraway, one of the aristocrats overseeing our research, left me with his daughter, Rinoa. Sadly, she made no attempt to hide her displeasure. It was awkward. However, she was well versed in foreign languages, of all ages.

I learnt her humour quickly, I'm pleased to say. When you react to someone's sense of humour, and understand the jokes they make, they can't help but warm some to you. I can't describe how pleased I was that she didn't remain a nightmare. I soon discovered the spoilt brat persona was there to cover up family problems. She was not a Daddy's Girl, by any stretch of the imagination.

In summary, she was funny, intelligent, strong, and I was smitten. It's not as though this was first love. I was nearly 18, and I'd had my share of girlfriends. (Of varying seriousness, from giggling at holding hands like little children to girls I would have had sex with if I could convince my parents to leave us alone for long enough)

This was strangely different from it all. Not just because I couldn't tell if she had any interest in me, or because I had no older brother here with me to question about what to do, or to egg me on. This was different because I could imagine forever with her. The sort of person you could see yourself with in another 10, or 20 years.

I didn't say anything to her. I had work to do, and I was uncomfortable enough. Don't think I could have coped if I asked her out and she said no.

We began working through a tome about summon beasts. The first chapter was an overview. It mentioned different summons in different religions. I have always loved religion, so it was interesting to learn about how the summon beasts fitted into the more ancient ones. I already have an understanding of modern religions and summons. I did my dissertation on it for my religious studies class. Summon Beasts and how they define Modern Religions, by Grimoire Valentine. I enjoyed writing that.

For example, in Wutai they believe that Leviathan is the main god. They have lesser gods, but Leviathan is top. Mainly because water controls life and death. Without water, you dehydrate; your mouth dries up, you lose your voice, you palate cracks... but too much water and you bloat. Too much water and you can drown. Water makes the crops grow, keeps your animals alive and it cleanses stuff. Overall, very important.

As far as I can tell, Midgar is no longer truly religious. I am not claiming people don't believe in the Lifestream; materia is proof enough for people. However, they do not believe prayer makes a difference. Total opposite of what we found in the tome.

About 2000 years ago, there existed a god called Yu Yevon; he answered the prayers of summoners and allowed the human race a chance to redeem itself by battling the embodiment of all its flaws. Sin. With the aid of summon beasts, called aeons, they defeated Sin and leaved in peace for a time. However, the summoners never survived the experience. It sounds like a fairy tale to modern ears, but I've been hunting through the library, and I've found many references to Sin. I also found scribbled in a small book a comment that Yu Yevon was at the heart of Sin, as a test to mankind. But the fear that comes across, I can't help but wonder if there was something there that they believed was set upon them by a deity.

Regardless, this particular religion links Lifestream and summon beasts via pyreflies. From what I can work out, these are what gives life to everything, and when you die they take your experience back to Lifestream. And, obviously, Lifestream is the life of the planet. This has raised the question for me, which I voiced to Rinoa, does the planet have a version of Lifestream to return to once it is done here. Eventually, the planet will die. It a miserable thought, but it's true. The planet will die, like humans, plants, fiends and animals do. Will it return to a universal flow of life, taking all our combined experiences, like pyreflies return to Lifestream?

Rinoa didn't really seem to care. She found it fairly amusing I'd even wonder, but I want to know. Maybe I'll be able to investigate this for myself one day... I can always dream.

Anyway, I found more links to religions, going back even further in time. A race of people called the Cetra believed that there was a goddess who controlled everything. She created lesser gods, or summons to have power over the 12 elements. They were to answer the prayers of the people as they saw fit. But she alone kept control over time, over what was Holy, and what was evil.

I spent some time searching, but eventually, I found a paper relating to the 12 elements of the Cetra. Fire belonged to Ifrit. This summon beast appears frequently in different religions, so I am fairly familiar with him. Shiva had power over ice. This is also familiar to me, as to call someone Shiva is synonymous with calling them an icy bitch.

Fire and ice, 2 of the 12 elements that I was familiar with. Pretty well known. However, these lesser gods had underlings as well. From what I understand, there is a god called Pyro, who is an underling of Ifrit. She acts as a sort of go-between for humans to Ifrit and vice-versa. Maybe the thought of being confronted by a flaming beast is too much for some people...

Gelidus is the servant of Shiva. I have no idea what she did for her. There were no references to her beyond her existence and the element she served.

Thunder and Water were the next 2 elements I came across with Rinoa. I had expected to find Ramuh as the god of thunder, but instead it was a god called Ixion. Ramuh and Quezacotl were its servants. Their existences were explained. Ramuh was the human side of this element; the one that interacted with humans. Quezacotl was more a weather ... thing. And Ixion was the summon beast for fighting.

Leviathan was not that different to the Wutanese god. Controlled the rain fall etc. There were various prayers and incantations scribbled in for how to ask for more rain, or fresher water, or _colder_ water. I think there was everything in there. Siren was a servant, but was more to do with the sea, and keeping sailors safe. (A fairly amusing variation on what the Wutanese claim sirens do)

Also, there is Typhoon, a serpent as well, but to do with much smaller bodies of water.

That's 4 of 12. Pandemona; goddess of wind. I've never heard of this one, and I don't really understand what you'd pray to her for. But, maybe the Cetra had no issues with overlap. I don't see the difference between wind and sky. She had a servant called Ventus. Again, no idea what he did.

Sky was another element. (This did confuse me. I don't understand how sky can be an element, but Rinoa got really annoyed at about the fifth request for a retranslation.) Bahamut is the god of the sky. Along with Valefor, his servant. Maybe the Cetra thought these 2 gods kept the sky above them and didn't let it fall on them... I wonder if that could be linked to the atmosphere. I'll try to remember to look into it.

If you have sky, then obviously Earth is the next element. Terra is this particular goddess, with her male servant Mundus and Titan. I think the image that came with this has been forever burned into my brain. I've tried every way of getting that perverse image out of my mind. Nothing was worked yet.

Fire, ice, thunder, water, wind, sky and earth. Next up, nature. Magus Sisters. I can't make out their individual names, but there are three of them. I realise pretty much everything can be under the heading Nature, but these seem to be bugs, insects, plants to a certain extent and fertility. Fenrir is the servant here, but I'm not sure if he's just for one of them, or all of them.

4 elements left. Pain is next. Anima. I know that Yu Yevon had a goddess called Anima, who came into existence towards the end of that particular religion, but maybe Yu Yevon's was another servant god or something. Anyway, Anima is the goddess of pain. With loads of different servants; Griever, Odin, Diablos, Kjata... apparently there is a lot of pain to go around.

Relief comes under a goddess called Carbuncle, but with a servant called Alexander. I've heard of Alexander, but have always linked him to Holy. However, Cetra believe only the true Goddess can control Holy and Evil... so, relief he is.

Finally, the most interesting. Omega; life. There is a lot of documentation on this particular element, suffice to say he is strongly linked to the Lifestream. Phoenix is his servant... another area of overlap, I feel.

Chaos is also fascinating. Chaos is the god of death, with servants of Cerberus and Hades. Apparently Hades keeps people in the Lifestream. I found no real reference to what Cerberus does, but I would assume it's something similar to Hades. Chaos seems to be a more ancient version of the Grim Reaper. The last thing you see in this life. There is also some mention of the end of the world, but Rinoa says her skills aren't enough to translate this, because it is a more ancient version of the language. Shame. I find it amazing.

Overall, I made a lot of head way with my research. I was very proud when Shin-Ra read it and said it was the most interesting report he'd read. He does unnerve me sometimes, but he offered me a job. Not even 18 and I have a chance to work as a scientist for Shin-Ra. A research scientist though. I get to travel around and look into my work more closely. I still want to finish my education though. I want to hear people address me as Dr. Valentine, or maybe even Professor Valentine... I have sort of lost interest in being a vet with the opportunities that have now presented themselves. I just hope my Father is proud. He's already disappointed with Laguna. I don't want that misery directed at me as well...

Anyway, I am to look into physical and tangible points of the Lifestream, which I assume means materia fountains. But first, I am going back to Macalania. I'm getting better at understanding Cetran so I want to have a look at references to literal manifestations of Lifestream... and maybe I can get Rinoa to go on a date with little old me.

* * *

_All done. Hope it wasn't too boring. I realise the last chapter probably was, as no one was interested. But I enjoy writing this._


	3. Chapter 3

_Finally back here, with an update. :D Hope you enjoy it._

* * *

Chapter 3

I never got as much of a chance as I wanted for researching summon gods, but I did look into the life stream. It was fascinating. I found an old man named Machen in the deep recesses of the building. He looked lost, and I helped him find his way out. He saw the papers in my hand though, and politely inquired.

I'm glad he was there. He was better at translating than Rinoa. (Though, I still want to talk to her and translation was my only excuse.) He told about a strange story about the Religion of Yu Yevon.

It's a little hard to remember, but truly interesting. A young woman who was a summoner (Apparently without materia only those with a special skill could summon the gods.) She received a guardian from the gods, made up of the afterlife. A person. A dream... he couldn't quite remember. I don't get how a person can be made of the afterlife, but he got confused about other stuff, so maybe he made a mistake. Anyway, this dream person/ ghost aided her in defeated Sin. The way he said it made me wonder... Was Sin an actual fiend, rather than a personification of it? But it helped her beat Sin and took it over to the afterlife with him.

I asked about the afterlife. I want to know if it is the same as the Lifestream, but he didn't seem to know much about the Lifestream. A little disappointing. I was convinced last time I went through this with Rinoa that they were the same, but he seemed so confused.

Regardless, he looked at the sheets I'd taken a long time ago, with something that resembled the Shin-Ra logo on them. This ended my own confusion about the Lifestream, but filled me with concern. It said that the life force of the planet, from which summon beasts come from, will one day burst forth from the planet and cleanse everything. It sounds like an end-of-the-world type idea, but ... I don't know. Maybe it was how much detail the author had gone into about how humans come from the Lifestream, how they return to it and how everything about it links up. I'm not used to scientists believing in some form of god so strongly. Perhaps that comes from living in the secular society of Midgar though.

Then it occurred to me; someone with this much knowledge may have another reason for believing the Lifestream who move out from the planet's core to wash over its surface. What if they had some kind of proof that has been lost with time? I pushed it out of my mind though. Machen then showed me another sheet, not one of the ones I had. It spoke of a place to see the dead. Machen called it the window into the Farplane. I have no idea what it means still. Though, he did try to explain to me. Something to do with pyreflies and the dead. But you could only see those who had died. Something to do with sending people too. But he didn't say where they were being sent, or for what purpose.

We talked for a long time... I say talked. He rambled and I listened. What he said may not make sense, but he seemed to have knowledge that exceeded that of anyone else. I took him to the front rooms and asked if anyone knew who he was. No one did. Maybe he is just an old scholar that drifts... kind of freelance. I decided to take him to the hotel I was staying in and get him a room. He's a really good old man. I couldn't just leave him alone.

He didn't seem to recognise anything. The first thought that came to me from that was how long had he been there? Then I realised it can't have been too long. He only had a small bag with him, so he couldn't have much food or anything with him.

He gave me some coins for the room, but I don't know what they were. I stuck them in my pocket to avoid seeming rude, but I don't know what I'll do with them. I wanted to ask about the robes he was wearing. Now that we'd gotten out and into sunlight, I could see they were frayed, badly. They were faded, with intricate patterns woven into them but he seemed comfortable in them.

He told me he'd speak to me tomorrow and retreated into his room. I headed to my own room to clean up, and then left to find Rinoa.

She was sat in her front garden, leaning back and enjoying the sunlight that filtered through the trees. Beautiful. I called out, and she sat up, grinning. As I made my way over, she turned away as if disinterested, but even I could see the smirk.

I asked about Machen, to see if she knew who he was. I wanted to find someone who knew him. He must have family, friends... in the very least colleagues. She said she'd look into it for me.

She then invited me inside. I can't deny I suddenly developed a very tight knot in my stomach. Once inside, I know I was gaping. I know I'd been in the library building, so I'd seen inside these structures, but this was beautiful. The pillars resembled trees, and had been made to look as though the branches at the top were holding up the roof, which I noticed seemed to be covered in a leaf pattern. The walls were plain, but the door ways were framed by the same beautiful nature design as the pillars. There were arches and columns throughout. They were corroded, fatigued and fractured, but still amazing.

I can see why the General made this his home. I was staying in one of the few modern buildings in the city. It was nigh on impossible to get permission to build anything here. Gardeners paradise though. The roads had been redone, but there were no new ones created. The majority of the place was woodland and it was so in touch with nature... it was breathtaking.

I am unendingly glad I convinced my boss to let me do my research here.

We sat in her room and chatted about everything and nothing. It killed off my nerves. I relaxed and enjoying myself immensely. It was late when I decided I should get back. She walked me to the front and pressed a kiss to my lips. She grinned slightly as I gaped. She simply told me to take her out sometime then greeted her father, who was returning home.

I went back to my room in my own little world. My thoughts shot around, wondering if she really meant it, or if it was a joke. I hoped not. She really is something else. I was sat staring at the wall when the phone rang. It was my mother. She wanted to know how I was getting on. I'll admit, I gushed. It all came out and I told her about Rinoa, how I knew her and what I thought of her. It felt good to get it off my chest. I also told her about Machen. She said I was doing the right thing.

When I hung up, I was feeling much better. Why is it mothers can do that? I'm 18 years old and I still feel better for clinging to my Mum. I lay back on my bed and thought about how I'd spent over a year now working for Shin-Ra. That had to be good. I had heard all kinds of horror stories about how soon people got fired from the research department.

When I'd started, my boss had given me a strict warning. Shin-Ra did have their own version of secret police. Turks. It was a small but highly efficient division of those who could kill you with no effort. I had to be sure nothing I did would truly piss Shin-Ra off. I had taken it to heart. I have no interest in ending up dead.

I headed over to the bathroom to get ready for bed, my head starting to fill with thoughts of Rinoa again.

* * *

_Another one done. I really need to update this more often than I do...Please review and let me know what you think? :)_


	4. Chapter 4

_I realise this is a long time in coming... But nevermind..._

* * *

Chapter 4

I continued to meet with both Machen and Rinoa. They have been so helpful to my research. (Well, more Machen in the research area, but Rinoa isn't just there for me to look at.) I have gone back to hunting through the archives with Machen.

He must be a linguist. His grasp of so many different languages is amazing. From the language of Yevonites (Whom I am still learning more about) to those who lived in ancient cities like Treno (Now little more than half-excavated rubble), he speaks so many.

We came across some documents by a race called the Al-Bhed. Apparently they lived at the same time as the Yevonites, but were rejected for their use of machines. It's is truly amazing to think that they had such complex technology all that time ago but only a small percentage of people were willing to use it. I think that must be why it fell into disuse and out of memory. It sounds like they had some pretty interesting thoughts about energy conversion. It isn't a subject I'm interested in, but as I work for an energy company then renewable energy sources should probably be recorded.

I am still concerned about the claim that the Lifestream will flow freely over Gaia's surface, but I suppose I cannot really do anything to stop it. Machen said the one who predicted this was a child- a boy not even in his teens. But, again Machen makes mistakes. Rinoa was with us that day, and she laughed. Her nonchalance over his prediction was due to his ages. She said he probably had a nightmare and made certain facts he'd found fit this idea. It made me feel easier to hear it like that, but then... geniuses come of all ages.

I tried to put it mentally in the 'apocalypse' category- the one where the many predictions of the end of the world go, to be studied at leisure but not frowned upon in any believable manner. It didn't work. As I am sure I have said before. He seems like he was very intelligent and he had so many facts. It is as though he did proper scientific studies with hypotheses, and methods and results; comments on how his studies may not be accurate, how he tried to make them so. Like I said - boy genius. It unnerves me. He sounds like he knew what he was talking about, and he predicted something that could only be a disaster.

I think Rinoa could tell I was starting to focus too much on doomed futures. She left me a note one morning, it directed me though the labyrinth of a library. I got there and she had a blanket laid out on the floor, what looked like antique paperweights placed around its edge. In the centre there was an electric candle and a picnic basket. Rinoa sat there in a small white dress that could not have been warm for where we were. I gave her my coat.

She explained you shouldn't have actual fire around so much dry paper. Then she told me she'd help me look into a new religion, with a more positive outlook on things.

We came across 2 religions there. One of them had just 3 gods; something I am learning is a small number for ancient religions. Their gods created, protected and destroyed respectively. As with a fair few religions, the focus was not on the deities themselves – this one helped its followers become aware of whom they were on the spiritual plane. Again, a little different. Apart from the religion of Yu Yevon, (Who claimed the Farplane was a window to the spiritual plane, and the Al-Bhed refuted this- according to Machen) I struggle to think of one other religion that claims humans can exist on the spiritual plane. I have once again put small collections of sheets into my satchel to study later.

The other religion we came across is more modern than those of Yevonites and the Cetra. It is a fighting religion, one which was trained to army recruits in several different countries, from what we could tell. It was deeper in some ways, claiming that if you received aid from the gods, then something must be sacrificed. We were both silent for a moment after Rinoa translated that. It made my stomach churn to think of sacrifice- everyone else's gods seemed to simply give to those who had what was necessary to do the asking.

My nausea eased off when I realised it wasn't lives that were taken. These gods aided by using your body as a host, settling in the back of your mind and only bursting forth in times of need. Their hosts could channel magic through their presence to fight off fiends and their own natural abilities, such as speed and recovery time- healing time... these increased. They were stronger, faster and better able to defend themselves. All they had to give up were experiences. Not all of them, from what I can tell. Just some experiences, from many years ago. They drew from long term memory, usually going back at least 10 years. There are a few instances of more recent memories being taken, but maybe what they asked of their gods is what varied the chosen memories. I guess the quality of certain things differs. Or maybe they took memories according to sentimental value.

Their gods were called guardians and they protected soldiers who fought against many foes at once. I guess a few old memories could be viewed as a worthy sacrifice. The guardians get to view people's experiences for themselves, as though they were living them instead of separated. The hosts get an increase to their battle stats, and the guardians could act as summon gods and come forth to fight in times of need. There are comments that those who were attached to their gods for several decades experienced great pains and a deep sense of lose and hopelessness at separation from said god. It makes me glad that materia, rare though it is, is not a part of the body and does not meld the consciousness of the summon gods to the user.

I wonder if these gods are also a part of the Lifestream as well... There is more overlap in certain names. The gods Ifrit, Bahamut, Shiva... Some names occur over and over. If I could extract part of the Lifestream and observe it... How many secrets it must hold!

I stayed long into the night with Rinoa that day. We eventually had to move due to hunger- we had only had breakfast and a large picnic lunch. She once again kissed me when we separated. I managed not to do a fish impression again and kissed her back properly. Of course, I then bravely fled as we were outside her house and Caraway is a rather intimidating man.

We studied these religions again and again, taking time to find Machen and ask his opinion of them. He is a fascinating old man, even if no one seems to know _who_ he is. I very much value his company.

I have decided summon gods are a welcome distraction from apocalyptic documents. I did not realise how much of a distraction though...

* * *

_Over half a year, but I have finally managed to update this story. Oops... Anyway, I am happily listening to the Carnival of the Animals and decided to get some typing done. Not my most popular story, but definitely my favourite._

_Please review and let me know what you think._


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